Wednesday, September 22, 2010

How about this?

I have been working on pulling my hair out, I mean my query. (did I say that out loud?) While the old one was subtle and vague but had voice I needed to give more information. So here is the new version hopefuly with a little voice remaining.


Corporate assassin, Antony Danic, has never killed an innocent man—until now.

During a dinner with friends, Antony realizes that his last assigned hit was a mere preacher. When his assignments start to resemble personal agenda, instead of corporate espionage, he realizes what he thought was reality, is a lie. Just weeks before, while on vacation, Antony received a death threat from a fellow employee. It appeared that the corporation was unhappy with his performance on his previous hit. Even though he hoped it was just posturing from corporate, he began to re-think his safety, and his employer’s integrity.

When Antony botches a hit, by causing the destruction of an international space cruiser filled with a mysterious cargo, his carefully woven security net begins to unravel. And as he scrambles to find a safe way out of his employers "till death do us part" contract, he faces the decision of his life: continue with business as usual and kill another innocent man—or do what's right, even if it puts his family in jeopardy.

4 comments:

Jewel Allen said...

I like it Michelle! Good luck with querying!

Jenn Wilks said...

Nice. Your first sentence really hooked me. The "by causing the destruction of ... cargo" line was a little confusing and I think could easily be taken out. I'd just say when he botches a hit, his security net unravels, period. I love the ""til death do us part" contract" line.

Good luck! I hope you have some hair left when you're done! :o)

Amie B said...

your query ROCKS - if i do say so myself!

Noble M Standing said...

Thanks guys! I've worked hard on it.
Thanks especially to Paulette Inman who helped me write it over the couse of a few days, Tristi Pinkston for editing it, and Amie Borst for giving it an outsiders look.

I have awesome friends, you guys rock!