That makes you stronger. Yes I know I am waxing philosophical, but such is the day.
While my writing journey started when I was young, the serious "I really want to get published" mode hit me about 3-4 years ago. Since then I have written many things and edited many more.
Last May (2009) I submitted a re-written MS that was actually "story worthy" to a publisher. They rejected it and asked for revisions. (Which is actually a good thing) At that point in time I also had a friend offer out of the goodness of their heart to help me edit this MS to get it ready to re-submit.
It's been just over a year now and the LAST edit came in my email over last weekend. I downloaded it to my computer, (I swear I saved it) moved my laptop to a nice brightly lit quiet place and started editing it. I was 2/3 of the way done and when I came back to it that night I somewhow erased, deleted, overwrote it and it was "poof" gone from my computer.
All 244 pages of the edit I had worked on ALL DAY. I was so in shock I couldn't even cry. All that work gone in a second. I tried everything to find the document and after two days I decided to just reload it and start over.
So yesterday I sat down early in the morning and started to edit again. I finished that afternoon and saved it, sending to some friends for safekeeping too. The edit is done the MS is as perfect as its going to get w/o a contract and an publishing editor.
While I was feeling so sick about loosing the pages I worked on this overwhelming sense of calm was there with me also. This MS has faced adversarial forces the whole time I have worked on it. My friend has lost it, and has lost hours of editing work on it too. This MS has a mind of its own and seems to have some potential that someone doesn't want me to explore.
The journey of the last few years have been a deep learning process for me. I have seen both the hands of God and Satan at work in my life regarding a simple stack of 300+ pages. I hope that most of the time I am running with the good crowd on this endeavor. LOL Timing in this has been perfect even if it was only seen in hindsight. Connections I have made in the last few years and the knowledge I have gained has been amazing. I often stand in awe of the "tour" I have been given this last few years.
The next few weeks, before Elias is born I am hoping to research and send out my MS to many agents and publishers. It's the perfect time seeing that I will have my hands full and not be actively writing or editing.
This journey has made me stronger in ways I never knew I could be strengthened. I have recieved inspiration and interpretations of feelings that I didnt know I was allowed to recieve. I have grown and I am thankful for it.
A freind once told me to "Expect Miracles" I did and this is what's happened.